Self-compassion entails three core components. First, it requires self-kindness, that we be gentle and understanding with ourselves rather than harshly critical and judgmental. Second, it requires recognition of our common humanity, feeling connected with others in the experience of life rather than feeling isolated and alienated by our suffering. Third, it requires mindfulness-that we hold our experience in balanced awareness, rather than ignoring our pain or exaggerating it. We must achieve and combine these three essential elements in order to be truly self-compassionate.

–Self Compassion by Kristin Neff

(via because i am a woman)

Being Each-Other-Aware

A conversation happened with [Booskie] today that addressed some things I’ve been feeling like I should probably say and some things I think I’ve needed to hear for a little while now. It was not a dramatic conversation, or one that led to any concrete action steps or “solutions,” but I’m really glad we had it. The issue that we discussed is likely always going to be a part of our relationship, and so I’m glad to know that we can talk openly about how it affects us. As always, just being able to say “these are things that don’t feel good” within our relationship in the same metaphorical breath as I say “I love you” and “I’m not going anywhere” kind of blows me away a little. I’m pretty green when it comes to relationships I think are worth legitimate vulnerability and perseverance, but I think I’m learning. 

I’m learning that no matter how long you sit around thinking about an issue, trying to figure out how it looks from the other side, I don’t think that anything can beat just sitting down with someone and saying “This is where I’m at” and having them tell you where they’re at. Being able to be honest and vulnerable about how you feel without trying to squish those feelings into How-Can-We-Fix-This-sized boxes is maybe something I’ve underrated, as a person who naturally gravitates towards pragmatism. Maybe this ties into my New Year’s Resolution as well, in terms of striving to do less packaging of my emotions to make sure they’re presentable; how I feel doesn’t have to boil down a list of actionable requests or plans — just stating my feelings and having them acknowledged is meaningful and helpful and does good work. Each of us being really self-aware about how we feel is so much more useful when we’re each-other-aware too. 

I fully recognize the necessity of maintaining systems of accountability and nudges towards growth, self-reflection, and apology, but I wonder how much we are able to grow when those nudges are so often sheathed in insult, destruction, and shame; when they seem more invested in silencing and denouncing than facilitating a conversation that will enable the critical reflection of the author, the reader, and the community. Because of the internet’s ability to quickly make an activist blogger a queerlebrity and how we associate fame with wealth/power/political influence, our community has taken to conflating highly visible writers with more traditionally hegemonic forces of authority and attacking them viciously when they error. We forget that they, too, are mere and fallible, that the work they do is well intentioned and in service to the community. I know that most call-outs are rooted in self-protection and a desire for awareness and healing in activist communities, but it feels like we are also becoming increasingly invested in the “power and fame” we gain from intellectually denouncing another writer under the guise of social justice accountability than actually hearing and healing each other.

The more I read Facebook comments and tumblr responses to recent articles and blogs, the more I wonder why it is so easy to celebrate our brilliant writers who have transitioned/achieved critical acclaim, yet rip apart the soul and intention of those who walk and breathe and struggle amongst the rest of us. If these people are the warrior heroes who defend us against the cultural imperialism of hegemonic dis-ease, who inspire us to live through the pain and trauma of our yesterday, then isn’t it our responsibility to protect and nurture them, as well?

— QTPOC and Feminist Writers Save Lives, So Treat Them Well

(via the dopest ethiopienne)

More concerning than the prevalence of violence is the industry it has created. We have George Zimmerman getting offers to fight and primetime interviews on CNN. We have 24 news cycles making a spectacle of these select stories. The trauma of violence becomes a circus act. Even in death, Black people are not offered peace or rest. High ratings, endorsements and even temporal fame come from killing Black people. The profit made off of their deaths is mortifying. Not all exposure is awareness, and awareness is the lowest form of allyship. People of color experience fairly constant attacks and microaggressions on their identity. To be a racial minority in this country is to live in a war zone.

—Jay Dodd, “To Wake Up Dangerous: on Thugs and the Criminalization of Black People”

(via the dopest ethiopienne)

Friend: So how do you think you’ve changed since high school?
Me: Well I became aware of oppressive power structures and how we are complicit in them and now seek to dismantle them.
Friend: …
Me: I also think I got hotter

—the dopest ethiopienne

Highly accurate. 

 

Owning your own feelings, rather than blaming them on someone else, is the mark of a person who has moved from contracted to expanded awareness.

–Deepak Chopra

(via LivingLovingListeningLearning)

Sex positivity is an attitude that removes the stigma from sex, sexuality, and our desires. Sex positivity includes emotional and physical awareness, consent, fun, pleasure, safety, and happy feelings all around. This attitude also helps to combat rape culture through education and awareness of communication with one’s partners and oneself. Sex positivity helps you find a joyous place in your sexuality, free from shame, discomfort, and negative emotions!

–Tirzah, CSPH Programming Intern, Summer 2013

(via The Sexual Intellectual)

The Struggle has always been inner, and this is played out in outer terrains. Awareness of our situation must come before inner changes, which in turn come before changes in society. Nothing happens in the “real” world unless it first happens in the images in our heads.

–Gloria Anzaldua, Borderlands/ La Frontera “La conciencia de la mestiza/ Toward a new Consciousness”

(via the bad dominicana)